The System is Abstract, Luckily, So Am I

Chapter 214 : Food Safety Brooks No Delay

Bai Bufan grabbed the fire extinguisher and chased Lin Li around the room—the fire extinguisher sign in the homestay was a bit worn out, and the word "fire" (huo) was missing two dots, making it look like "person" (ren).

(Translator's Note: A visual pun on Chinese characters).

But this could also be considered making the best use of it.

"Bad doggy! Bufan, you bad doggy! Stop chasing, sit! Sit!"

Lin Li's scolding sounded like acting cute, but it was extremely insulting.

The two of them chasing and fleeing was incredibly noisy. Facing this vicious pet attack incident, the three girls present had no empathy whatsoever and laughed happier than anyone else.

Who the fuck said women are born with the ability to love?

Show some love then!

...

"Phew—" Lin Li came down the stairs, sat back on the floor mat, and let out a long sigh.

Only Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu were left on the first floor. Chen Yuying had probably gone upstairs to take a shower.

"Where's Bai Bufan?" Ding Sihan asked.

Lin Li sighed: "I accidentally got caught by that guy just now. He gave me two choices: death or let him touch my butt."

Qu Wanqiu was already laughing: "So what did you choose, Lin Li?"

"Death, of course," Lin Li said matter-of-factly.

Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu's laughter was very loud.

"Anyway, he went to play games. Aren't you guys going upstairs to rest? Do you want to see me naked?"

Everyone was tired from walking tonight. Although it was only just past nine o'clock and not too late, they didn't plan to play anything else together. Lin Li came downstairs originally to take a shower, and after speaking, he shook the clothes in his hand.

"Yingbao is already taking a shower. Sigh, I haven't washed my hair for a few days, and I have to wash it tonight. I'm a bit envious of Tang Seng again," Ding Sihan sighed upon hearing this.

(Translator's Note: Tang Seng is the monk from Journey to the West).

"Why are you envious of Tang Seng?" Qu Wanqiu beside her didn't understand.

"Because Tang Seng never had to bathe himself. Every time he was caught, a group of underlings would obey their king and wash him clean. Who knows how many times he bathed during the eighty-one tribulations?" Lin Li offered a speculation upon hearing this.

I wonder if any demon was curious enough to try and bend Tang Seng over.

Anyway, Bai Bufan definitely wouldn't be able to resist.

"Exactly. When I was a kid and thought bathing was troublesome, I was so envious every time I saw that," Ding Sihan snapped her fingers, affirming Lin Li.

Qu Wanqiu: "..."

Does that count as bathing? Isn't that food safety?

"Now that you mention it, no wonder Tang Seng had such delicate skin and the Ruler of the Women's Kingdom liked him. Everyone else was travel-worn and dusty along the way, and he was the only one bathing every day. It really was too conspicuous," Qu Wanqiu commented after her thoughts wandered.

"If the Ruler of the Women's Kingdom could fall in love at first sight with any other creature in the scripture-seeking team, she'd be quite a character," Lin Li frowned, giving Qu Wanqiu a sharp critique.

Qu Wanqiu: "..."

That seems right too.

"Tang Seng was also a heartbreaker. I feel like he clearly had feelings for her. Couldn't he be braver and just take the Ruler with him?"

Qu Wanqiu commented again. Girls' thinking when watching these things is always a bit different from boys'.

If Lin Li were Tang Seng, he would have innocently fathered five children by now.

Hearing Qu Wanqiu say this, Lin Li frowned deeply, unable to believe she would suggest such an idea:

"Little Pigtails, they were going to Tianzhu (India) for the scriptures. That's a place where even the White Dragon Horse would get bent over if it went there. You want Tang Seng to take the Ruler of the Women's Kingdom there? Are you serious? As a pure love warrior, I can't stand cuckolds."

Qu Wanqiu: "?"

Qu Wanqiu lowered her head and started laughing suppressedly: "...I'm sorry."

Lin Li's "even the White Dragon Horse would get bent over" really broke her.

The funniest part was that this was indeed something Tianzhu would do, not a slander.

"Sihan, I'm done washing," at this time, Chen Yuying's voice came down from the third floor.

Skincare doesn't have to be done in the bathroom, so if it's just a shower without washing hair, girls actually aren't that slow.

"Class Rep, is the bathwater still there?" Lin Li quickly asked upon hearing this.

No response.

Lin Li guessed the Class Rep probably muttered "pervert" softly, but her voice was too low for him to hear.

He didn't know if the prefix was good or bad.

"What's with those looks you two are giving me? What? Didn't you learn how to utilize water resources in elementary school? Rice-washing water can be used to water vegetables, laundry water can be used to flush the toilet, and bathwater can be used to quench thirst. Aren't these basic common sense?"

The two gazes beside him were too much for Lin Li to bear, so he retorted.

Ding Sihan, Qu Wanqiu: "..."

Did some weird common sense get mixed in? How is that common sense at all?

This guy is still performing consistently.

Qu Wanqiu: "Which elementary school? Tell us so we can avoid it."

Lin Li felt he was being misunderstood. If a boy hadn't pointed the showerhead at his mouth and gulped water when he was a kid, he had a lot of self-control.

Besides, what's wrong with paying tribute to Kevin Durant?

(Translator's Note: A reference to a tweet by NBA player Kevin Durant saying he wanted to drink Scarlett Johansson's bathwater).

"Sigh, going to take a shower," Ding Sihan stood up and stretched.

Then she took one look at Lin Li, who let out a pitiful sigh, and hit him hard on the head with a throw pillow.

Ding Sihan crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Lin Li with extreme disgust: "Lin Li, I'm a bit hungry. Make me a late-night snack. I won't brush my teeth yet, I'll eat it after my shower."

Bossing people around, Boss Ding was just that arrogant.

"I want to eat too!" Qu Wanqiu, who had only heard of but never witnessed Lin Li, the hidden God of Cooking, was also very interested.

"What a pity. Although I really want to serve you guys, I used up all the ingredients in the fridge when I made breakfast for myself this morning. I can't make it." It was obvious that Lin Li was truly regretful, the corners of his mouth turning down like a Nike swoosh.

After all, although Lin Li had mastered cooking, he hadn't reached the point where he found cooking very interesting.

After trying to make breakfast for himself this morning, he felt it was still more convenient to order takeout.

"Then I can only order takeout." Ding Sihan went to the fridge to take a look, and after finding that Lin Li really wasn't lying to her, she said regretfully.

"Sigh, what a pity."

Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu went upstairs, and Lin Li also started taking a shower.

"Lin Li, the takeout is here, go get it!" When Lin Li came out of the shower, Ding Sihan shouted from the third floor.

They had also grasped the profound meaning of being a lazy dog.

Let's see what they ordered. If it's good, I'll secretly eat some.

Three minutes later.

Lin Li, with a cold face, stomped up to the third floor, carrying the takeout in his hand. With a dark expression, he questioned Ding Sihan: "Ding Sihan, come here, tell your daddy, what kind of takeout did you order?"

"Ingredients. There should be enough for three or four people. You can use the leftovers for your breakfast tomorrow morning."

Sitting in front of the vanity mirror, Ding Sihan and Chen Yuying were each holding a hairdryer, blowing their wet hair. Hearing this, Ding Sihan spoke righteously, like a rich lady squeezing a pretty maid.

Lin Li: "..."

You call ordering takeout ordering this kind of takeout?

"Why didn't you just order ready-made late-night snacks?" Lin Li questioned.

"You wanted to serve us so badly, I couldn't let you down," Ding Sihan answered.

Lin Li: "..."

"Little Ding Ding, do you know what you have to do before capturing a woman's stomach?" After a moment of silence, Lin Li asked.

"What?"

"You have to clamp the proximal and distal blood vessels first, otherwise blood will squirt out," Lin Li smiled.

Ding Sihan: "..."

So it's physically capturing the stomach?

"Yingbao can eat it too, you're not allowed to poison it." Sensing some danger, Ding Sihan brought out her lifesaver.

Only a middle finger could express Lin Li's feelings.

But it didn't really matter.

Lin Li, who was already preparing to go downstairs, suddenly trotted to the bathroom door, pretended to look inside, then turned around and asked: "Class Rep, you didn't leave a single drop?"

Chen Yuying picked up the hairdryer to block her face and blew it in Lin Li's direction.

"...Pervert, bah."

He heard it this time.

Ding Sihan: "I left mine, do you want it?"

Ding Sihan: "Lin Li, turn around and respond to this sentence before you go downstairs!"

Ding Sihan: "Why are you running!"

...

Cooking for one person and cooking for five people really didn't make much difference in terms of workload, so Lin Li led everyone to have another late-night snack.

Passing the one-yuan coin onto Qu Wanqiu's face, the person who had to "clean themselves up" became her.

Lin Li returned to the second floor.

Burping, Bai Bufan looked at Lin Li: "Lin Li, it's still early tonight, let's play games."

"Not playing," Lin Li refused.

"It's not just me, Wang Ze, Haoyang, and the others are also there. Together, we're still very strong," Bai Bufan continued to persuade.

"But you're not the one supporting them."

"Then you support me."

"That's a more despairing thing than a giant's head appearing over the city wall."

(Translator's Note: A reference to Attack on Titan).

Bai Bufan: "..."

"Lin Li, we're going home tomorrow. We came out to play together but haven't even played a game together. Don't you think that's very unreasonable? And it's only past ten o'clock now. Even if you have a good routine, playing until twelve before sleeping isn't considered late," Bai Bufan spoke with certainty and earnestness.

Lin Li sighed and began to chant:

"Bufan, remember, it's not about not playing, it's about playing slowly, playing gradually, playing in an orderly manner, playing with regulation, from high-quantity playing to high-quality playing, striving to achieve playing first to drive playing later, achieving common playing.

"However, you are currently only playing in high quantity. You need to have high-quality playing before you can drive me to play later."

Bai Bufan: "?"

"Did taking the monthly exam really make you stupid? You're even saying things like this," Bai Bufan's face was covered in black lines.

"What do you mean? What do you mean by 'even saying things like this'? What are you trying to express? Who let you into my room? I don't know you! Get out!" Lin Li retreated on the floor mat in terror, pointing at Bai Bufan and saying.

Bai Bufan: "..."

If you want to condemn someone, you can always find a pretext.

Seeing that Bai Bufan still wanted to persuade him, Lin Li suddenly narrowed his eyes and asked in confusion: "Is something burning?"

Hearing this, Bai Bufan sniffed hard.

Lin Li quickly realized: "Oh, it turns out I farted."

Bai Bufan, whose nose was still sniffing and the smell had already entered: "?"

"You motherfucker!" Bai Bufan's eyes widened.

A person who says something is burning after farting is a real bastard, right?

"Just consider it making up for your request during Monopoly," Lin Li looked innocent. "Now it's your turn."

"How is it my turn! How can I squeeze one out right now!" Bai Bufan covered his nose and roared. "And mine at least didn't stink that time. What the fuck did you eat, why does it stink so much!"

"Letting you smell it is already generous enough, and you still want the recipe? Little glutton, so greedy." Seeing Bai Bufan coveting his trade secret, Lin Li immediately became vigilant.

Bai Bufan: "?"

Bai Bufan quickly fled the crime scene, leaving only his angry curses in the air:

"I covet your [beep] cat! This is a [beep] recipe!"

(End of Chapter)